you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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