he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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