i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
