dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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