i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
