my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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