North Korea, Best Korea!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
