Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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