Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
