if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
