his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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