I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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