it wasn't lemon gatorade
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
