Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
