dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
