This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
