what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
