This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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