those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
