It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
