Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
