She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
