we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
