you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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