if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
