no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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