i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Let the clothes fall where they may.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
