I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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