I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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