happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
