proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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