I'm lost and stupid without you.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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