I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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