found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
