I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
