dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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