Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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