At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
