omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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