He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
