On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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