so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize