We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
