he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
