Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
