Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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