you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Drunk is not a location!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
