just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
