saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
