If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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