The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize