HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
