Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
