he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
