Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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