Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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