If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
