saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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