saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
