I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
