you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
