I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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