So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
