i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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