Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
