She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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