She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
