guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
