You're my little dorito
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
