They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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