What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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