I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
