after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
