I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
