why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
