i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
