The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
