just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
