im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just found a bag of teeth...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
