i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
