so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
