We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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