I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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