he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
